Leaving‑Safely Planning Guide

A discreet, step‑by‑step plan to exit an unsafe or high‑conflict home 🫶

Purpose: Help you map out a secure departure—physically, digitally, and legally—so you and your children (and pets) leave with the essentials and without tipping off a volatile partner.

Time Commitment • One focused evening to prep, plus a 10‑minute double‑check on exit day.

What You’ll Need • Quiet alone time; a phone with a scanner app; one small, neutral-looking tote or backpack; access to cloud storage or an encrypted USB; and the phone numbers of at least two safe contacts.

Friendly Ground Rules

  1. Agenda-Free Zone—Before, During, After
    Whether you’re weighing the idea of divorce, deep in the paperwork, or rebuilding life on the other side, we’re here to support your chosen path. No judgment, no hidden agenda.

  2. Educational, Not Advice
    Everything you’ll read is for general education. It is not legal, financial, mental-health, or medical advice. Laws and circumstances differ by state, county, and family—always verify details with qualified professionals who know your facts.

  3. Safety & Well-Being First
    If you feel unsafe, overwhelmed, or in crisis, please pause and reach out:
    • National DV Hotline (US) 1-800-799-7233
    • Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US) 988
    • 911 (or local emergency) for immediate danger

  4. Every Journey Is Unique
    Divorce and healing are deeply personal. While we strive for accuracy and empathy, not every tip fits every situation. Keep what helps, adapt what might, and leave the rest.

  5. Quick Calm Cue
    Feeling anxious as you read? Try the 5-5-5 Grounding Breath—inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5, exhale for 5. Repeat three times, then continue when you’re ready.

Confirm Today’s Risk Level

  • Red‑Flag Signs: threats, weapons in the home, strangulation history, obsessive monitoring, escalating violence.

  • Mini‑Win ➜ Naming the real risk clarifies whether you leave now or with a longer runway.

If any red‑flag sign exists, skip ahead to Section 4 and call a hotline or trusted friend before continuing.

Gather & Scan Critical Documents

  1. Photo IDs (you and kids)

  2. Birth certificates, Social Security cards

  3. Marriage certificate, prenup/postnup

  4. Passports, green cards, work permits

  5. Recent pay stubs, tax returns, bank statements

  6. Protection orders, police reports, medical records

Scan to a cloud folder named something innocuous (e.g., “2025 Tax Prep”) and set view‑only access for a safe contact.

Rule of Thumb: Anything costing more than $20 or 20 minutes to replace—scan it.

Assemble a “Go Bag” (Hide in Plain Sight)

  • 3 days of medications

  • Phone charger + power bank

  • One change of clothes for each person leaving

  • Spare keys, small flashlight

  • $100–$300 cash in small bills

  • Copy of all scanned docs on encrypted USB

  • Comfort item for children or pets

Pack in a nondescript grocery tote or gym bag—nothing that screams “bug‑out.”

Secure a Safe Destination & Transport

  1. Identify two fallback addresses: friend, family, shelter, or hotel with interior corridors.

  2. Arrange ride options: trusted driver, rideshare gift card, or public transit plan.

  3. Set a code word with your safe contact (e.g., “blue folder”) that means “Call 911 for me.”

Mini‑Win ➜ Having three routes out quiets fight‑or‑flight noise in the brain.

Lock Down Digital Footprints

  • Change email and key account passwords from a clean device.

  • Enable two‑factor authentication that uses a private email or authenticator app—not shared SMS.

  • Turn off location sharing in iOS/Android, Snapchat, Life360, Google Maps.

  • Log out of shared streaming or smart‑home devices.

  • Consider a new prepaid phone if your device is monitored.

Pre‑Exit Money Moves

  • Open an individual checking account online; use e‑statements only.

  • Redirect paycheck or a small “trial” direct‑deposit split (if safe).

  • Photograph all major household valuables for potential property division.

Kids & Pets Checklist

  • School: Arrange a trusted adult on pickup list; provide them a code word.

  • Medical: Copy vaccination cards, prescriptions.

  • Pets: Shot records, portable food, leash or carrier in the car.

Explain to children in age‑appropriate terms: “We’re going somewhere safe; you did nothing wrong.”

Execution Day Playbook

  1. Timing — Choose a window when partner is reliably away (work shift, gym).

  2. Grab Go Bag quietly; leave house in normal attire.

  3. Send Code Text to safe contact: “On my way to grab coffee.” (pre‑agreed meaning: “I left.”)

  4. Do Not debate or announce departure by phone; safety first, explanations later.

  5. Drive or ride directly to safe location; no errands en route.

Mini‑Win ➜ The first 30 minutes out the door are the highest‑risk; direct travel slashes exposure.

First 24 Hours After Leaving

  • Call the DV Hotline or local shelter to discuss an immediate safety plan.

  • File for an emergency protection order if threats exist.

  • Change remaining passwords and PINs.

  • Schedule an intake with a divorce coach or trauma‑informed therapist.

  • Sleep, hydrate, and eat. Basic care counters adrenaline crash.

Final Word

Leaving safely is not an act of weakness; it’s a strategic, life‑preserving decision. You’ve traded secrecy for security and guesswork for a plan. Hold steady—help and options expand once you’re out.

Choose safety • Trust your plan • Forward is forward

— The navigateDivo Team

Need to talk things through with an experienced divorce coach?