Choosing the Right Path

Ask Yourself

• Safety – Any threats or coercion? If yes, skip straight to legal/safety planning.

• Mutual Willingness – Are both partners ready to put in effort or attend sessions?

• Financial Flexibility – Can we afford two homes or intensive therapy?

• Kids’ Well-Being – Are children exposed to daily conflict? Faster relief may trump repair attempts.

• Clarity vs. Limbo – Will pausing provide insight or prolong pain?

Mini-Win: Answering these five questions often reveals the obviously workable (or unworkable) options.

Brief Option Profiles

A. Evidence-Based Couples Therapy

• Pros – Structured skill-building, research-backed outcomes.

• Cons – Requires weekly time and emotional energy; doesn’t fix abuse or addiction alone.

B. Discernment Counseling

• Pros – Fast clarity when one partner is “leaning out.”

• Cons – Not meant for long-term repair; may end in split decision.

C. Growth-Together DIY Plan

• Pros – Cheapest; empowers ownership.

• Cons – Easy to drift without outside accountability.

D. Informal Trial Separation

• Pros – Real-world test, lowers daily conflict.

• Cons – Costly; without rules can fuel resentment.

E. Legal Separation

• Pros – Court-enforceable finances/custody; maintains benefits (insurance in some states).

• Cons – Legal fees; can’t remarry; not available everywhere.

F. Pause & Monitor

• Pros – Buys time when stakes (kids, finances) demand caution.

• Cons – Risk of “limbo fatigue” if review dates aren’t honored.

Setting Review Dates

Whatever path you choose, write a review milestone on the calendar: Decision Flow