Should I Stay or Go? Chapter 1
Relationship & Self Audit 🫶
Purpose: Start with you and the day-to-day health of the relationship before diving into money, kids, or lawyers. Clear data, zero pressure.
Time Commitment • 10-30 minutes (depending on the time you take for the exercises).
Grab a pen and your journal or a piece of paper.
Friendly Ground Rules
Agenda-Free Zone—Before, During, After
Whether you’re weighing the idea of divorce, deep in the paperwork, or rebuilding life on the other side, we’re here to support your chosen path. No judgment, no hidden agenda.Educational, Not Advice
Everything you’ll read is for general education. It is not legal, financial, mental-health, or medical advice. Laws and circumstances differ by state, county, and family—always verify details with qualified professionals who know your facts.Safety & Well-Being First
If you feel unsafe, overwhelmed, or in crisis, please pause and reach out:
• National DV Hotline (US) 1-800-799-7233
• Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US) 988
• 911 (or local emergency) for immediate dangerEvery Journey Is Unique
Divorce and healing are deeply personal. While we strive for accuracy and empathy, not every tip fits every situation. Keep what helps, adapt what might, and leave the rest.Quick Calm Cue
Feeling anxious as you read? Try the 5-5-5 Grounding Breath—inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5, exhale for 5. Repeat three times, then continue when you’re ready.
Quick-Gut Pulse Check
Close your eyes, breathe in for 4, hold 1, exhale 5.
Now imagine the situations listed below. What is your body sensation? What emotion word comes to mind?
Stay and work on it
Separate peacefully
High-conflict divorce
Your body often knows before your brain catches up.
You’ve already taken the hardest step: noticing.
10-Item Relationship Health Quiz
Tally 1 point for every “Yes”.
We resolve most fights respectfully within 24 h.
I feel emotionally safe disagreeing.
Mutual trust is solid; few secrets.
Humor or affection shows up weekly.
No regular insults, stonewalling, or contempt.
Big-picture goals feel aligned.
Both acknowledge mistakes.
Zero fear of physical harm.
Intimacy meets both partners’ needs.
I can envision a joyful future together.
What was your score?
0–3 = 🟥 critical 🟥
4–6 = 🟨 mixed 🟨
7–10 = 🟩 promising 🟩
“Conflict isn’t the enemy—contempt is.” — Dr. John Gottman
Personal Well-Being Scan
Rate each (1 = low, 10 = high) for the past 90 days.
Average nightly sleep quality
Weekly “joy” moments
Daily anxiety / dread
Sense of self-worth
Physical safety felt
Add up the five numbers → divide by 5 → Well-Being Index (0–10).
• 0–3 = Critical Care • 4–6 = Watch Zone • 7–10 = Sustainable
Micro-Reflection: Growth-Together Feeler
Before deciding anything, ask:
Have both partners ever tried structured help (e.g., evidence-based couples therapy) for ≥3 months?
Is there mutual commitment to small daily changes?
Does either partner refuse all help categorically?
Record answers; they’ll resurface in Chapter 3 when we map options.
Your First Synthesis
Copy these lines into the worksheet (p. 7):
Biggest “Green-Flag” reason to try staying:
______________________________________________
Biggest “Red-Flag” reason to consider leaving:
______________________________________________
What I still need to learn or test:
______________________________________________
Mini-Win ➜ You’ve gathered personal data—future decisions won’t rely on guesswork.
What’s Next?
Chapter 2 - Kids + Money + Safety ➜ Impact on children, draft solo budget, red-flag safety plan
Chapter 3 - Options + Decision Map ➜ Flowchart, regret-min letter, 30-day action roadmap
Final Note for Chapter 1
You don’t have to solve everything at once. Clarity arrives in layers.
See you in Chapter 2, where we’ll zoom out to kids, money, and safety.
Stay curious • Stay compassionate with yourself • One step at a time
— The navigateDivo Team
