Should I Stay or Go? Chapter 2

Kids • Money • Safety 🫶

Purpose: Zoom out from your inner world (Chapter 1) to the three external forces most people regret overlooking: children’s well-being, financial reality, and personal safety. The goal is not to decide today but to gather clear data that will guide Chapter 3’s options map.

Time Commitment • 25-50 minutes (depending on the time you take for the exercises).

Grab a pen, your journal or a piece of paper, and access to your expenses.

Friendly Ground Rules

  1. Agenda-Free Zone—Before, During, After
    Whether you’re weighing the idea of divorce, deep in the paperwork, or rebuilding life on the other side, we’re here to support your chosen path. No judgment, no hidden agenda.

  2. Educational, Not Advice
    Everything you’ll read is for general education. It is not legal, financial, mental-health, or medical advice. Laws and circumstances differ by state, county, and family—always verify details with qualified professionals who know your facts.

  3. Safety & Well-Being First
    If you feel unsafe, overwhelmed, or in crisis, please pause and reach out:
    • National DV Hotline (US) 1-800-799-7233
    • Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US) 988
    • 911 (or local emergency) for immediate danger

  4. Every Journey Is Unique
    Divorce and healing are deeply personal. While we strive for accuracy and empathy, not every tip fits every situation. Keep what helps, adapt what might, and leave the rest.

  5. Quick Calm Cue
    Feeling anxious as you read? Try the 5-5-5 Grounding Breath—inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5, exhale for 5. Repeat three times, then continue when you’re ready.

Kids-Impact Lens

“Children thrive on consistency and low conflict more than on family structure.” — Family Process Journal 2022

Age 0-5

  • Need: Safety & routine

  • Divorce-Specific Risk: Regression (sleep, potty)

  • Stability Ritual Idea: Same lullaby at both homes

Age 6-12

  • Need: Fairness & belonging

  • Divorce-Specific Risk: Self-blame

  • Stability Ritual Idea: Shared “both-homes” calendar

Age 13-18

  • Need: Autonomy & identity

  • Divorce-Specific Risk: Acting-out / withdrawal

  • Stability Ritual Idea: Weekly 1-on-1 walk & talk

Worksheet Prompts

  1. What conflict do my kids witness daily / weekly?

  2. Which behaviors am I modeling by staying? by separating?

  3. If we separate, how can I safeguard bedtime, school, and holiday continuity?

Mini-Win ➜ You’ve listed at least one concrete stability ritual.

Money Snapshot

Two-Home Reality Check (5-Line Budget)

Enter your estimates for the following expenses:

  • Housing (e.g., rent, mortgage + interest, taxes, repairs)

    • Current shared: $___________

    • Projected solo: $___________

  • Childcare / Activities (e.g., tuition, daycare, after-school, sports)

    • Current shared: $___________

    • Projected solo: $___________

  • Health Insurance

    • Current shared: $___________

    • Projected solo: $___________

  • Debt Payments (e.g., car, credit cards, student loans)

    • Current shared: $___________

    • Projected solo: $___________

  • Essentials & Buffer (e.g., gas, food, utilities, phone, Wi-Fi, home items, pet care, +10% for minor stuff)

    • Current shared: $___________

    • Projected solo: $___________

Step by Step Math

Add the five solo numbers:

Solo essentials = Housing + Childcare/Activities + Health Insurance + Debt Payments + Essentials & Buffer

Add a safety cushion:

Divorce budgets almost always miss surprise costs; build in an extra 15 % buffer.

Needs with buffer = Solo essentials x 1.15

Estimate the after-tax income required (50/30/20 budgeting suggests ‘Needs’ = ~50% of net pay:

Target net income = Needs with buffer x 2

(If you are paid weekly, divide by 52; bi-weekly, divide by 26; monthly, divide by 12)

Evaluate against your actual take-home:

Current net pay (solo) = $_________

(-) Target net income (solo) = $_________

Gap (if negative) OR Surplus (if positive)

💡 This breakdown assumes a 50 / 30 / 20 budgeting strategy, target 50% of income for needs (above), 30% for wants, and 20% for savings & debt pay-down. If savings & debt pay-down is below 10% (and therefore needs and wants are greater than suggested), consider trimming big ticket items or boosting income.

Safety Radar

Why it matters – Legal, financial, or parenting plans are meaningless if physical or psychological safety is threatened. The checklist below lets you spot danger signals in 90 seconds.

Red-Flag Checklist

Count any that occurred in the last 12 months

  • Physical intimidation, threats, or damage to property

  • Forced financial control (no access to joint money)

  • Isolation from friends / family or blocking communication

  • Phone, email, or location monitoring without consent

  • Threats involving children or pets

If you tick even one box, consider this Quick-Exit Mini-Plan right now

  1. Call or text for help – If danger is immediate, contact the National DV Hotline (US) 1-800-799-7233 or dial 911.

  2. Gather go-items in one bag – ID, bank cards, medication, keys, phone charger, a change of clothes.

  3. Screenshot / photograph evidence – threatening messages, damaged objects, injuries.

  4. Choose a safe landing spot – trusted friend, family member, or local shelter (hotline can direct you).

  5. Turn off location sharing on phones and social apps before leaving.

  6. Tell one person you trust that you are activating your safety plan.

Clarity is pointless if safety is at risk. Step away and secure yourself first.

Pulling Your Data Together

Copy these prompts into your journal and fill in the blanks:

Biggest benefit for my kids if we stay __________________________________________

Biggest risk for my kids if we stay __________________________________________

Projected solo budget gap / surplus __________ %

Safety flag color (Green = none, Yellow = concern, Red = danger) __________

Mini-Win ➜ You now hold concrete insights on kids, money, and safety — the three areas people most regret overlooking.

Final Note & What’s Next?

You’ve paired inner reflections with hard data. That combination = power.
Next, in Chapter 3, we’ll translate your findings into clear first steps. We’ll cover your options and provide a decision flowchart of possible paths, different perspectives to assess the decision, and a planning roadmap.

Stay steady • One layer at a time • You’re doing courageous work

— The navigateDivo Team

Need to talk things through with an experienced divorce coach?